


Not Quite Here

by scarscarchurro



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: ... Probably will change the Rating if you tell me to, Compliant to either Star Trek TOS or AOS, Established Relationship, M/M, Polyamory, Sex Mentioned but only mentioned and not in great detail, it's 600 words, projecting onto characters at its finest, vent fic in a way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 20:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13578114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarscarchurro/pseuds/scarscarchurro
Summary: Jim has a particularly bad dissociation episode but didn't quite understand what was happening. Spock and Leonard help in whatever way they could.





	Not Quite Here

**Author's Note:**

> In which I cope with bad episodes by writing fanfiction about said episodes. *jazz hands* So like this was in every sense a vent fic whoops. I wasn't going to post it really but I do like some of the descriptions I use in it so. 
> 
> AGAIN: I'll gladly change the rating. I am not skilled in knowing what is appropriate for teenagers... I don't even remember what was appropriate for me as a teenager.

It started as a cloudy feeling in his brain and a sensitivity to his eyes. It could be tension, Jim mentally mused, It could be any form of anything. Sickness, headache, stress, any number of things. 

He snuck down to medbay halfway through his shift and downed some tablets with water in hopes to quell whatever it was.

McCoy had entered when the tablets were down. “You feeling alright, Jim?” 

Kirk had jumped and laughed it off. “Just came to find you,” the lie slid off his tongue with ease. “Just wanted to stop by and say Hi.” Definitely not raid the medical bay for pain relievers. 

If McCoy sensed anything he didn’t make it known as Jim slipped away back to his shift. 

The feeling didn’t go away with the pills. It grew into an energy that slipped through the seams of Jim’s skin. He suddenly felt all too big for his flesh. He still chucked it off as nothing. Maybe he just needed a walk. He pushed through the rest of his shift, irritation pushed against the canvas of his body, pushed, and oozed out the cracks. Everything was too small. The chair he sat in. The confines of the bridge. 

Even when their shift was over and Spock slid into the spot between Jim and the lift walls. Too small. Too cramped. Too much. He needed a walk. He needed ten walks. He needed Spock to not be lowly making calculations of when Jim was going to burst out of his skin. “I’m fine, Spock.”

Of course Spock knew he wasn’t; Of course Bones knew he wasn’t. He was just too big and everything was just so small for the oozing energy. 

It pressed against every inch of the turbo lift. Every inch of the hall he and Spock walked down to McCoy’s quarters, because McCoy’s was the farthest. 

Jim had the thought that Spock was the best boyfriend because even as they circled away from McCoy’s room for the fifth time he still followed and kept in stride with Jim until they circled back around the seventh time. Which at that point McCoy was standing outside of his room with a raised eyebrow. “Do I have to give you a tranquilizer?” 

Too small. Too much. Even if some of that energy seemed to seep back into Jim’s bones. Everything was still too much. The southern drawl of McCoy’s voice as he lead both Spock and Jim into the mostly cramped quarters. Too loud. The dim warm lights. Too bright. The slide of a hand against his face and a kiss against his lips. Not enough.

It still wasn't enough when his body was slotted between his partners and they tumbled into the confines of McCoy’s sheets.

... 

The world of their bed was too small or maybe Jim was still just too big. Too out of his body. Too lost in the stretches of the universe. He blinked. “I don’t think I’m here,” it was to no one really, but he might as well say it. 

McCoy was awake, pressed against the slope of Jim’s bicep, and running his fingers over Jim’s forearm. He didn't say a word. Maybe he knew reaching would make Jim stretch farther away from this all too small sack of flesh. 

“Sometimes I feel like I'm ten thousand miles away from my body.” Jim stared up at the ceiling sinking against the mattress. Clinging onto the feeling of McCoy’s fingers against his arm in hopes of sucking himself back in. “I think the sex helped some.” 

He heard Spock chuckle next to him and McCoy groaned. “Yeah no you're definitely here now, Jim.”

**Author's Note:**

> *finger guns away*


End file.
